Near the In and Out Burger

Hello. My name is Caroline. I’m 32 years old, and until today, I had never eaten at an In and Out Burger.

I was at a teacher workshop, and when my compatriots, partners-in-crime as it were, heard that I had never had “In and Out” (as they call it), then our choice for lunch was immediately decided.

I have, of course, heard of In and Out Burger. Jeffrey Steingarten mentions it in his food columns for Vogue Magazine (collected in the two stellar novels The Man Who Ate Everything and It Must’ve Been Something I Ate), as do the Cohen brothers in their cinemagraphic classic The Big Lebowski. The restaurant also gets a rather sizeable shout-out in the critical Fast Food Nation as an example of a fast food chain that manages to churn out inexpensive food without completely destroying the lives of the people who eat the food or serve the food. I’d need an actual working Internet connection to find the exact geographic locations of the In and Out Burgers, but I do know that they are scattered across southern California.

Salinas (on the edge of Norther California) does boast an In and Out Burger, so that’s where I ate lunch today. For a whopping $6.00 and some change, I got a cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, onion (which you must request separately), and a very thousand-island-esque sauce, a large "small fry", and a chocolate shake. After about an 8 minute wait (it was noon and the place was packed), my food arrived. Your number is called out and the food comes delivered on a little red try with high, slightly sloping sides. The food tucks in nicely on the try. There is no excess space to get in the way or take up room on the table. It’s more like a bowl or a plate than a tray.

The first thing I noticed about the actual burger is that while the size of the entire setup is pretty good, the actual burger is tiny. It is dwarfed by the vegetables on the bun. Now, I’m a big fan of the vegetable, but I do love a good, juicy burger. “Juicy” is not what I would use to describe the very fast-food shaped burger on my red tray. This is no small problem, because what I love about burgers is the interplay between the savory, meaty, slightly greasy, and juicy burger with the soft, toasty bun, the drippy cheese, tangy onion, sweet tomato, crunchy lettuce, and creamy mayo. Each ingredient has a critical part to play in the creation of the cheeseburger experience. The whole is certainly greater than the sum of the parts.

So, the burger’s a little lame. Of course, I only paid a couple of bucks for it, and with rising gas prices, can you be surprised that the burger is small? No. Which doesn’t make it any less disappointing. A lot about the current state of the world leaves me disappointed.

The fries were pretty good. I got a nice paper bin of shoestring fries. They tasted mostly like potatoes and were hot and not overly crispy in a super-saturated with oil kind of way. After a restrained sprinkle with salt and pepper (my preferred method), I dipped them in catsup (or more likely ketchup) from the pump bottle near the beverage station. Good.

All the while I was trying to suck on my shake. It was a difficult process. It was, hands down, the best chocolate shake I have had at a fast-food joint in a long time. It was so thick, I practically imploded the straw trying to drink it. I had to set the shake down and wait for it to melt a little bit on top, just so I could have some. It had a nice chocolate taste, too. And none of that plastic taste you get from a Frostie. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t an extra-thick chocolate/chocolate frappe from Shane’s of Maine — but then again, I haven’t found a shake that good since. (For those of you who don’t know, a frappe is a shake in Maine. Shane’s of Maine is a really good ice cream company — their ice cream puts Ben & Jerry’s to shame. An extra-thick frappe has three scoops of ice cream blended in the shake, and then an extra scoop of ice cream floating in the mix. And chocolate/chocolate refers to chocolate ice cream with chocolate syrup.) In high school, I worked in a tourist trap that was across the courtyard from a Shane’s. It was heaven.

Would I go back to an In and Out Burger? Certainly. Was it the best fast-food cheeseburger I’ve ever had? Probably so. Was it the best burger ever? No. But then again, I’m still searching for the best burger. Wimpy’s Grill in Durham, NC comes the closest (grinding your meat fresh every morning goes a LONG way with me). But has the experience forever changed my life? No. It’s a good fast food burger. It’s loaded with a salad’s worth of veggies. But in the end, you’re still eating an extra-small, fast-food burger patty.