On the Second Day of Carolinimas...

...I gave to myself, a trip to Berkeley to see The Flight of the Conchords.

It was awesome. I got the tickets through the pre-sale (off Facebook), so I had good seats. I didn't have a date (Salinas being lame and my boyfriend living 7 1/2 hours away), so I sold the extra on Craigslist. It took about an hour to sell, the dude was pretty cool. He was ortinally going to just use me to get inside and then go sit with his friends. Our seats were so good, though, so he stayed with me. It was cool.

The show was awesome. The guys are hilarious and the music is better live (as I thought it would be) than it is on the show. They opened with Robots. Some highlights included Boom, Inner City Pressure, Too Many Dicks on the Dancefloor, and Bowie with glittery shirts and tear-away pants. They also told some hilariously boring stories that all came back around during one of the last songs. A joke that comes back around? Priceless.

The Science of Aging

I was watching some of HBO's Alzheimer's Project documentaries today. Having had a granfather who suffered from the disease, I was rather interested in learning more about the whole subject.

Here are a few things you should know.

Exercise is good for your brain. Alzheimer's is caused by a build-up of Amyloid Beta protein in the brain. One way to help your brain clear out this protein is through exercise. It seems that it's just good for your brain in general: it stimulates some chemical that clears away the Amyloid Beta. Of course, thirty minutes of exercise a day also helps guard against diabetes. A healthy diet (low sugar, low bad-fat, low salt) also helps. All those things that are bad for your arteries make it tougher for your brain to clear away the Amyloid Beta. You see, all these health risks tie in together. So, exercise and eat right.

Also, people with more friends have brains that are better able to remember things the older they get. The less stress you experience (or maybe, the less you stress out) also helps your brain as you get older.

All of this was rather heartening. I do not have to experience my grandfather's fate. There are things I can do about it. There are things my parents can do about it. I recommend watching the shows if you have the opportunity.

He's Just Not That Into You

I know, I haven't seen a movie in a full-price movie theater in I don't know how long (seriously -- it was sometime in Portland, but even there I tend to go to the 2nd run theaters because although it still costs $20, it comes with beer and pizza), and I've now seen two movies this weekend. Blockbusters, both. What is the world coming to? Oh yeah: friends.

Anyway, my good friend Shells said that it was the story of her life. MDTS said he'd heard that it was all Hollywooded up and not as in-your-face as the book.

So let me say that I read the book. I doubted it at first, but it changed my life. The book is not rocket science -- far from it. It says everything that you already know, but it spells it out in a very clear, forthright, incontrovertible way. If he doesn't call... he's just not that into you. If he's still with his wife... he's just not that into you. If he doesn't want to marry you... he's just not that into you. If he's messed up emotionally... he's just not that into you. Greg (yeah, we're on a first-name basis) says that if a guy wants to be with you, he will do whatever crazy thing he has to to be with you. He will knock on doors; ask everyone he knows for your number, divorce his wife, go to counseling... anything. If he does't, well... he's just not that into you. It doesn't mean he's not into you at all, or that he doesn't like you, or find you attractive, it's just that he's not *that* into you. Period.

It's actually a very freeing concept. I realized the man that I hadn't been dating for five years wasn't that into me. It had been staring me in the face for 4 1/2 of those years, but there it was. If I was still unsure about his feelings, than he wasn't that into me. I emailed him that night and broke it off. (What? After 4 1/2 years of batting me around, yes, an email is all he got. We could've talked all night, but that wouldn't have gotten us anywhere.) I have not initiated conversation with him since. (He's emailed a few times. I finally told him -- again -- to stop it. Forever.)

So, is the movie brutally honest? Well, yes and no.

The thing is, the book is written by Greg and this other chick, Liz. She plays the role of the chick (duh), the "But what about..." and "I'm sure he just..." and "Maybe this time it will be different because...". So the book has this other voice, the voice that we hear all the time. The voice that gets our hopes up; the voice that has seen The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally, and every movie with Rock Hudson and Doris Day. So we hear those women's voices in the movie. But we do hear that he's just not that into us. And we see it -- which can be far more powerful than the words themselves. It becomes obvious when you see it played out for your viewing pleasure.

It's a good movie. It's well done. The characters have some depth. There is romance and there are break-ups. There are rules and there are exceptions. (Which is what does us ladies in all the time, we hear about exceptions and expect them. The thing is, when you are the exception -- you know it. Otherwise, you're the rule. You're the rule early, and you're the rule often.)

If you need a good chick flick that won't make you cry: see it. If you need some help to dump your man: see it. If you just want to see what all the fuss is about: see it. It's not an Oscar-winner (er, I don't pay attention -- please tell me it hasn't been nominated); it's not classic cinema. But it's a good movie. And the final song is "Fridays I'm in Love" by the Cure. I love that song. It reminds me of sophomore year -- and yet another man who just want't that into me. hee!

Friday the 13th

I saw my first Friday the 13th movie last night. I know, it's a bit embarassing to be my age and NOT to have seen any of them. I did grow up in the 80s, after all. But, I've never been a huge fan of the horror genre, and as an adult, I've spent too many nights alone to really want to scare myself before bedtime. However, M&C have convinced me that there is some value in dabbling in the genre, so when my Spanish friend asked me if I would watch the new one with her, I agreed.

As I've said, I'm no expert in the genre, so here are a neophyte's musings on the subject.

All those years of being worried about being scared were unfounded. The does not, and really isn't designed, to scare. The movie relies on cheap tricks to shock the viewer, with some gruesome killings and a little T&A thrown in for good measure. While watching it, I couldn't help but notice how important the foley is to the movie. You're watching, lah-di-dah, when CRASH coincides with Jason jumping out from behind a tree with a machete. It's the actual sound that is shocking, not really the picture.

Of course, the filmmakers do a good job -- as it were -- of using off-screen space. Or, not allowing us to see anything. The movie is shot rather tightly, so even though you know, you KNOW, that Jason is lurking around a corner, you are not allowed to view the entire scene. When the angle does shift to where he is, along with another sound effect, you are duly surprised. Well, surprised physically, but not mentally. You know it's going to happen all along, it's just a question of which milisecond brings the knife.

This over-reliance on sound and cuts reminded me of an article that I read while teaching Fahrenheit 451 last year. Life is full of "technical events" or "jolts". This all technical TV speak, so the article tells me ("Culture Jam", btw, I'm unsure on the author at this point). Producers? Editors? Directors? refer to any shift in the picture as a "jolt". So a cut is a jolt. And, there are more and more jolts on television and in the movies these days. We are overwhelmed by the information -- so much that we stop paying attention and become zombies. (Ah, another, better, horror genre: the zombie flick.) And that's all Friday the 13th does; it relies on jolts. We try to find meaning, but we cannot because we are never given enough meaning. But the changes evoke a purely physical reaction: dilated pupils, elevated heart beat, higher respiration rate. We mistake it for fear, and it's a fun feeling, so we see the movies.

Oh, and tits don't hurt, either.

Television Watching and a Shout Out

I was talking with my good friend Hollis last night (not his real name, but he knows who he is -- he's lurking out there and giving me crap for not mentioning him more in this humble collection of rants), and the subject of HBO came up. Well, I'm sure I brought it up, because I am enamoured with the HBO, especially the original series. We went back-and-forth about the relative vslue of HBO movies that you don't want to see versus the sometimes skimpy original programming choices for the monthly fee.

My thoery is that my cable company, for all they are evil bastards, offer me free HBO On Demand. Yay! On Demand! So, not only do I get to watch whatever HBO is currently offering, I also get to go back through and watch a bunch of other shows that I haven't seen before, or haven't seen in awhile.

So far, I've been through The Sopranos and have *finally* seen the last episode. (Hollis and I also had a discussion about that. No, I do not think Tony is killed. I think the final episode shows the fear -- and chutzpah -- that epitomizes the Tony Soprano's life. Everywhere he goes, he knows that this could be the time.) I am going back through Six Feet Under because it might just be my absolute favorite television show of all time, beating out Buffy, The Office, House, Gilmore Girls, and even Seinfeld. I've been through most of Big Love -- although I missed a few in the middle because I was out of town. And when Deadwood and Rome start from the beginning, I can pick them up, too.

But here's what I hate. I hate the constant commerical for On Demand that plays in the corner of the On Demand menu. I love television, but I love that I can turn it on and off and change the channels. I hate television in airports and malls and grocery stores and other public places. I hate that the noise is ubiquitous and insidious. And the commerical on the On Demand channel is horrible. It's just an annoying woman telling me what I can choose from and where to find it and showing my clips. I DON'T CARE. When I want to watch your show, I will. When I want to look for it, I will. Until then: Shut your trap.

It's the constant advertising that is pervasive in our culture. There must be a different way to construct a society; one that is not about buying more stuff. We can all see where buying more stuff has gotten our economy. And I buy HBO. I pay to not have to see a bunch of commercials. I'm happy paying for the service, because I like it. So to have that annoying woman in my face all the time when I just want to watch HBO really annoys the crap out of me.

P.S. No more saying you don't get a shout-out on the blog.

I'm Jus' Sayin'

Ebenezer Scrooge is a cold-hearted bitch (in the parlance of our times) and makes a lot of money. But then he sees the error of his ways, and turns all good. So, he starts giving his money away.

Now, don't get me wrong. I think A Christmas Carol ("A Christmas Carol"?) is one of the greatest Christmas works in history. It's up there with "A Christmas Memory", "Santaland Diaries", and It's A Wonderful Life. I thinks it's even more impressive that Dickens wrote this before the whole Christmas genre thing took off. And I've read Christmas Stories, or whatever it's called. The others stories -- not as good. We know A Christmas Carol by name and not the other because A Christmas Carol is true genius. The rest? Sorta forced and lame. Sorry Charlie. There it is.

Anyway. Scrooge has his old change of heart and starts giving away the dough. Where does it end? This is a philosophical question: How much can he really change and still keep his dedication to humanity? If he reforms his business practices and starts being nice, well, he loses all his money. Without money, can he support Bob and Tiny Tim and the two men soliciting for money? So has his reformation done any good? Can he justify being stingy with others to make money to help those he knows? Or does he just have enough money that he can spend it all like crazy until he dies and not have to do anything but live off interest?

Just Passing Through

I'm really only here to shut down my computer, but I'm doing so because my favoritest movie (of the past few years) in on HBO. Also happens to be my most-recently favorite book. OK, no more making you guess, it's Atonement. I read the book last summer when I begged the woman at Powell's to recommend a book that had plot and characters -- after 15 months of grad school, I needed a story already. She told me about Atonement, although feared it would be too depressing for me. I told her I didn't care as long as it had a plot.

I started reading the book, and at first I was a little ambivalent (it's a vocab word from last week), but after 50 pages I realized that I couldn't put it down. And by the end? I realized that it answered the question, "Why do we write?".

Although maybe it just answers the question, "Why do I wish I could write?"

Regardless, the book is excellent, as is the movie. I highly recommend either.

It Was Bound to Happen

I can find any network TV channel when I'm at my parents' house. I have them all memorized from childhood. (Yes, I do watch a lot of TV.) And in all the other places I've lived, I've had some issues remembering those network TV channels. Wait -- is NBC 8 or 7? CBS -- 2? No, 5. Wait, 3!!

But now, for the first time since I was a child, NBC is once again channel 6. No question which channel to turn to when I want to see The Office. Channel 6 it is. It's comforting.

TPS Reports

The other week I saw a snipet from Office Space and it is, along with The Wire, the kinematic masterpiece that most closes matches my current life. I'm still not sure if art is imitating life or the other way around, but let's just say I could be shrunk, zapped into HBO, and my life wouldn't seem much different.

Let's forget for a moment that I found myself jealous of Milton's pretty red stapler last week as I was attempting to fill my own sad, plastic, no-good, lame-ass stapler with it's sad, metal, no-good, lame-ass staples. I have three staplers -- they cost a combined total of $10 -- and they suck. Not one will staple more than 5 pages together let alone staple into my walls. The staples always end up falling sideways and getting jammed. They are mostly useless. Everyone knows that a good stapler is expensive -- and heavy enough to inflict bodily injury on intruders to your home, office, cubicle, or classroom. (Just a note for any of you thinking about Christmas presents already. Actually, a gift certificate to Office Max, Office Depot, or Staples would work. I'm sure I'll be out of paper by Christmas.)

But no, this evening I just completed what I will choose to call my TPS Reports. Everyday, after taking attendance on my seating chart and transferring it to my gradebook, I then go "online" to the 20-yr-old DOS program and input attendance there. THEN, after four weeks, the school sends me a print-out of what I input and asks me to verify it. Theoretically, everything matches perfectly. In actuality -- not so much. Or at leat not this time for me. I'm still learning EVERYTHING, so there were some corrections to make. Some stump me (I have no idea where I went wrong). Some I can tell were where I clicked on the wrong line. Some I thought were mistakes but really weren't because I was looking at the wrong line in my gradebook compared with the line on the print-out -- a hazard of working with 36 kids in a class. I know one was from when I forgot to click the super-secret date that actually *records* the information that I input into said DOS program.

And all of this just seems, so, well, like a waste of my time. Sure, I should get attendance right every time. I should. But I don't. And I'm sure I'm not alone in that. I know I'm not as bad as this person I heard about who just didn't take attendance for a month and a half -- this person is no longer employed at the school. But how do I know that what I put in my book is really any more accurate than what I typed in the computer (especially four weeks later)? I am so frantic during every class (what with the 35-37 students that I am trying to wrangle, teach, and talk to) that who knows if I put it on the correct line in my gradebook or in the computer. In a perfect world, I would have fewer students and more time to spend double-checking my work. But I don't. And I end up opting for spending more time monitoring my students than staring at a computer screen. I'm not saying it's the right choice, just my choice.

I guess I'll find out sooner (or later) if my attendance problems are enough to warrant administrative action.

But at lesat, as far as I know, my reports do not currently need a cover sheet. But I'm not holding my breath that that won't change.