The Parent Trap

Have I told you about my kids with kids? I don't think so.

Teen pregnancy is a big problem in my town. I started to realize just how pervasive the problem is year when my kids told me I was the same age as their mothers. I am not old enough to have a child attending school. I would have had to have a child when I was 16--which is just what these kids are doing. And it's not just them, it's their parents, grandparents, cousins, uncles, aunts, siblings, half-siblings. Yes, lots of those in that last category because (surprise, surprise) they get divorced a lot too.

Now, I'm the last person to judge a well-deserved divorce harshy, but you think someone would see the trend. When we get married and have kids in high school, our relationships tend to not last. Maybe it would be better if we waited before starting a family. No? Even those who wait until after their high school graduation to get married still get married young and have kids almost immediately. Their children have no self control, no respect, poor language skills, an inability to act civilly and politely in public. Anyhthing to do with young, immature parents? No? Hmm.

So this year I noticed that one of my students is pregnant. Another one, a darling, vivacious girls, told me that she had a son. A third asked to see the nurse because she was having headaches since her epidural. Then just on Friday, a fourth mentioned her daughter and showed me a picture. Then sat down and had a very high school conversation about the boy she thought was her boyfriend but he kissed his ex-girlfriend and then kissed her and the ex is sick so that's really gross, and. Well, you get the point.

Obviously, there is a cultural issue here. Parents and grandparents are ready and willing to babysit the children while their kids finish school. It's just not that unusual. Some students can see how it might be a drag on resources and hurt and education, but not many of them. Certainly not enough to put an appreciable curb on the problem. I know freshman teachers who have 4-5 pregnant girls in their classes.

Which begs the question: is teen pregnancy really a problem? I recall subbing in an English class a couple of years ago and the students read Toni Morrison's interview where she advocates teen pregnancy. That is actually a simplified version of what she said, and how most people interpret her answers. What she is actually advocating is a totally new system where teens do have children, and jobs, and all those life things that they want, and the community supports them. Of course, as they age, they take the place of the people who watched their children. They can return and get an education. It's a totally different mindset and it would take a revolution to establish.

So, is it a problem? Yes, I think it is becuase this town does not have a comprehensive system for supporting teen parents. The schools and community are not churning out responsible parents. It is not creating well-behaved, loved, creative children. (Yes, many children are well taken care of, but many are not.) Look at the number of children turning to gangs if you doubt my statements. The literacy rate is staggeringly low. Do I need more examples?

And I don't believe that all the girls really want to have kids. I am sure there is plenty of date rape. Obviously, birth control isn't a big thing. Abortion is univerally despised. And so here we are, with all these kids falling into the parent trap.