Becoming a Bitch

Or: How I learned to stop worrying and love behaviorism.

You've all heard about some of my horrible classes. On Tuesday, I kept one of my junior classes after the bell. They wouldn't shut up, so I added up (a small portion) of my time that they wasted, and kept them after the bell that amount. The bell rings, they go to stand up, and I laugh at them and tell them to sit down. They grumble. They don't get to leave until everyone is quiet.

I also started keeping a chart on how often they do things, like share in a discussion, have a side conversation, or say something disrespectful. It's not scientific; I miss a lot. But, they started to notice it today. Today, I also wrote down how long after the bell they would stay. (I just want to get through the damn journal and agenda without it taking 15 minutes. It should take 3.) And then, the student who would not take notes (for a whole 8-slide lecture) or stop talking... I put him in a desk facing the wall. That way, he can't make eye contact, he can calm down, and he and everyone else can get some work done. It actually works. Especially when I woulnd't let him leave the seat, even after he finished his test. Dude is seriously taller than I am, and yet I managed to get him to sit in that desk all class.

Anyway. They end up being quiet while everyone is finishing their tests. I am sitting perched on my stool at the front of the room, dispensing glares and marking hashes in the appropriate columns in my behaviorism chart. They don't even get rowdy for the last 15 minutes. I am internally stunned. Then, with 3 minutes remaining, I calmly stand up, close the door, and wait there patiently for the bell to ring.

The bell rings.

No one moves.

:-D

I wait for it to finish. I tell them how pleased I am that they were quiet during the test. It was very respectful of their classmates who were still taking the test. They could turn in their assignment, otherwise it was due on Monday. On Monday, we will watch a movie, but on Tuesday we will be working in the book, so they need to bring it with them. They were quiet during my announcements. I opened the door, and they left.

I kept my facing-the-wall student in. He was not stupid enough to push past me. (I had earlier told him that he could begin taking notes or stay after class; the choice was his. He chose to stay.) We talked. He evaded. Perhaps told a lie. I let him go. I then emailed his couselor to check on his story and called his parents. Parents not home, cell numbers not working, but I did leave a message.

Yes, I just might be getting the hang of this "bitch" thing. I almost told them (we were learning about rhetoric and ethos, logos, and pathos) that pathos didn't work on me because I am a cold-hearted bitch. I decided to leave the "bitch" part out of it. Not school-appropriate, you know.